When Someone with Dementia Says They Want to Go Home: How to Respond

When your loved one with dementia looks at you with desperation and says "I want to go home," it's heartbreaking, especially when they're already sitting in the house where they've lived for decades. Or maybe they're in memory care asking to go home every single day, becoming increasingly agitated when you can't take them. They might pack bags, try to leave, or spend hours at the door waiting for someone to drive them "home."

This phrase "I want to go home" is one of the most common and most painful statements in dementia care. Your instinct might be to remind them they are home, to show them familiar objects, or to reason with them about why they need to stay where they are. But logic doesn't work here, and correcting them often makes their distress worse.

What your loved one means by "home" usually isn't about the physical house. It's about a feeling of safety, comfort, belonging, and being in control. It's about wanting to return to a time when life made sense, when they felt secure, or when a particular loved person was still alive. Understanding what "home" really means to them is the key to responding in a way that brings comfort rather than more agitation.

In this guide, you'll learn what your loved one is really asking for when they say they want to go home, how to respond with compassion and effectiveness, techniques to reduce the frequency of these requests, and how to cope emotionally when someone you love doesn't recognize their own home anymore.

For comprehensive guidance on dementia care, see our dementia care guide.

If You Only Do 3 Things in the First 24 Hours

What Does "I Want to Go Home" Really Mean?

Short answer: "Home" usually represents safety, comfort, a time when they felt secure, or a place where a loved person still lives. They're expressing emotional distress, disorientation, or longing for the past, not making a literal request about location.

People with dementia rarely mean the physical house you're standing in when they say "home." They're reaching for something deeper.

What "Home" Might Mean

• A childhood home or past residence: Your loved one's mind may have traveled back in time. They think they're 30 years old and need to get back to the house where they raised their children, or they're remembering their childhood home where their parents are waiting.
• A time when they felt safe and in control: "Home" represents a period in their life before dementia, before confusion, before losing independence. They want to return to when life made sense.
• A place where a deceased loved one still lives: If they're longing for home where their mother or late spouse is, they're reaching for a time when that person was alive and they felt loved and cared for.
• A feeling rather than a place: "Home" is the feeling of belonging, comfort, peace, and safety. Right now they feel lost, confused, or anxious, and "going home" would make those feelings stop.
• Escape from current discomfort: If they're in pain, bored, overstimulated, tired, or uncomfortable with their current situation (memory care facility, hospital, unfamiliar caregiver), "I want to go home" means "I want to feel better."
• Expression of general distress: Sometimes "I want to go home" is the only way they can communicate "something is wrong" or "I don't feel right." It's a default phrase for any kind of discomfort.

Understanding that this is emotional communication, not a literal request for transportation, completely changes how you respond. For more on understanding dementia progression, see our dementia symptom progression timeline.

How Should I Respond When They Say They Want to Go Home?

Short answer: Validate their feeling, explore what they're longing for, and redirect to comfort and connection rather than correcting their reality or arguing about location.

The worst responses are the ones that come naturally: "You are home," "Don't you recognize your own house?" or "We can't go anywhere right now." These responses highlight their confusion, make them feel stupid or unheard, and escalate distress.

Example Scripts

Scenario 1: They're in their own house but don't recognize it

Loved one: "I need to go home now. Take me home."

You: "I can see you're feeling like you want to be somewhere else right now. Tell me about your home. What do you miss most?"

Loved one: "My mother is there. I need to see her."

You: "You really miss your mom. She was so special. Tell me your favorite thing about her." (Redirect to reminiscing)

Scenario 2: They're in memory care

Loved one: "I want to go home. Why won't anyone take me home?"

You: "I understand. You want to be home. That makes sense. We'll go soon, I promise. But first, they're serving your favorite dessert. Will you come have some with me?"

For more communication strategies that validate rather than correct, see our guide on how to talk to someone with dementia.

What If They Become Agitated or Try to Leave When I Can't Take Them Home?

Short answer: Stay calm, ensure safety, validate their distress, and use distraction. If they're attempting to physically leave and won't be redirected, you may need to walk with them, then gradually guide them back.

When "I want to go home" escalates to packing bags, going to the door, or actually trying to leave, you need strategies that keep them safe while honoring their emotional need.

Managing Attempts to Leave

• Don't physically block them or argue: This escalates agitation and can lead to aggression. If they're determined to leave, trying to stop them directly often makes things worse.
• Go with them: If they're heading for the door, say "Okay, let's go together. Let me get my coat." Walk with them outside if it's safe (supervised, weather-appropriate). Often a short walk around the block or the yard satisfies the urge. You can then gradually guide them back inside: "Let's stop in and use the bathroom before we continue" or "I need to get my keys from inside."
• Offer to help them prepare: "Let me help you pack" or "Let me make sure we have everything" gives you time. While you're slowly "preparing," you can redirect: "Before we go, let's have a snack so we're not hungry on the trip."
• Create detours: "We will, but first we need to stop at the kitchen" or "Let's just check on something in the backyard." These detours often result in them forgetting about leaving.
• Address physical needs: Sometimes the urge to leave comes from discomfort. Check if they need the bathroom, are hungry, thirsty, too hot, too cold, or in pain. Addressing physical needs often resolves the urge to go.
• Use camouflage for exits: Curtains over doors, placing a stop sign or "Do not enter" sign on doors, or even placing a large black rug in front of exits (which can look like a hole to someone with depth perception issues) can deter attempts to leave. These modifications work better than locks that create additional agitation.

For more on preventing unsafe wandering, see our comprehensive guide on dementia and wandering.

How Can I Reduce How Often They Ask to Go Home?

Short answer: Create an environment that feels more like "home," establish predictable routines, address underlying needs proactively, and reduce triggers like late afternoon anxiety or isolation.

While you can't eliminate the desire to go home when it's rooted in deep emotional longing, you can reduce the frequency by making their current environment feel safer and more comfortable.

Environmental Strategies

• Surround them with familiar items: Photos, favorite furniture, blankets, decorations, and belongings from their actual home create a sense of familiarity. Even in memory care, personalizing their space helps.
• Create cozy, comfortable spaces: A favorite chair by a window, good lighting, comfortable temperature, and soft textures make the space feel more inviting and less institutional.
• Display photos of "home": Pictures of their childhood home, the house where they raised children, or beloved places they lived can provide comfort. They can look at home even if they can't go there.
• Play familiar music from their past: Music creates powerful emotional connections and can evoke the feeling of home more effectively than any physical object.

Routine and Predictability

• Maintain consistent daily schedules: When each day follows a predictable pattern, anxiety decreases and the need to escape reduces. See our guide on creating daily routines for someone with dementia.
• Identify and avoid triggers: If requests to go home spike at certain times (late afternoon sundowning, after visitors leave, when they're tired or hungry), adjust the routine to provide extra support during those vulnerable times.
• Increase daytime engagement: Boredom and under-stimulation give people time to fixate on wanting to leave. Activities, walks, social interaction, and simple tasks keep their mind occupied with present moments rather than longing for home.

Address Underlying Emotions

• Treat depression and anxiety: If your loved one is generally anxious, sad, or withdrawn, treating these conditions medically can reduce the urgency of wanting to go home.
• Provide frequent reassurance: Even when they're not asking to go home, regularly tell them "You're safe here," "I'm here with you," and "Everything is okay." Proactive reassurance reduces anxiety.
• Increase meaningful connection: Loneliness drives the desire for home. More quality time, touch, eye contact, and genuine presence from caregivers and family reduces feelings of abandonment.

For more on managing behaviors that emerge in late afternoon, see our guide on understanding sundowning in dementia.

What If They're in Memory Care and Ask to Go Home Every Time I Visit?

Short answer: Your visits may be triggering the requests because they associate you with home and leaving with you feels possible. Try different visiting strategies: shorter visits, meeting in common areas, bringing comfort items, or redirecting before you leave.

This is one of the most painful aspects of memory care placement. Your visit, meant to bring comfort, instead triggers hours of requests to go home.

Why Visits Trigger "Home" Requests

• You represent home and the old life: When you arrive, they remember their previous life with you. When you prepare to leave, they want to leave with you because you symbolize home.
• They don't understand why you're leaving without them: From their perspective, you're visiting and then abandoning them in a strange place. They can't hold the understanding that this is their new home.
• The goodbye triggers separation anxiety: Like a child being dropped off at daycare, the departure of a beloved person creates panic and desire to follow.

Strategies for Difficult Visits

• Try shorter, more frequent visits: Multiple 20-minute visits per week are sometimes better than one long visit that ends with a difficult goodbye.
• Don't announce you're leaving: When it's time to go, redirect them to an activity or meal, wait until they're engaged, and slip away quietly. Many memory care staff recommend this approach.
• Bring something from home they can keep: A photo, blanket, or small meaningful item gives them a piece of home after you leave.
• Visit during activities or mealtimes: Arriving when something engaging is happening and leaving while they're still occupied makes transitions smoother.
• Ask staff how they are between visits: Often people with dementia are much more settled and content between family visits than family members realize. Knowing they're actually doing okay when you're not there can ease your guilt about the difficult goodbyes.

How Do I Cope Emotionally When My Loved One Doesn't Recognize Home?

Short answer: Remember this is the disease, not rejection of your home or care. Allow yourself to grieve the loss, talk to others who understand, and focus on creating moments of comfort rather than trying to restore their memory of home.

When someone you love stands in the home you've shared for decades and says they want to go home, it's devastating. It feels like rejection of your life together and confirmation that they're truly lost to this disease.

For more on recognizing when home care may no longer serve their needs, see our resource on when to know it's time for memory care.

What Should We Expect as Dementia Progresses?

Short answer: Requests to go home are most common in middle-stage dementia and may decrease in late stages as verbal communication declines. However, the feeling of wanting to be somewhere else may persist as restlessness or wandering.

The "I want to go home" phase typically follows patterns:

• Early to middle stage: This is when requests to go home usually begin and are most frequent. Your loved one has enough language to express the desire but not enough cognitive function to recognize where they are or be reassured by logic.
• Middle stage peak: Requests may become daily or hourly, sometimes accompanied by packing behaviors, wandering, or attempts to leave. This can last for months or even years.
• Late stage: As verbal abilities decline, they may stop saying the words "I want to go home," but the underlying restlessness often remains. This might manifest as pacing, trying doors, or becoming agitated at certain times without being able to express why.

Plan in layers: Right now, focus on responding with validation and identifying what triggers the requests. Over the next few months, work on making their environment feel more like home and establishing routines that reduce anxiety. As their dementia progresses, the nature of the requests will change, but the underlying need for comfort and security remains. Your strategies will need to evolve with them.

For guidance on what each stage looks like, see our dementia symptom progression timeline.

How CareThru Can Help You Track and Manage This Behavior

Understanding patterns around requests to go home helps you respond more effectively and identify what interventions actually work.

CareThru lets you log when your loved one asks to go home, what was happening before they asked, what time of day it occurred, and what response helped. Over time, you'll see patterns: maybe requests spike every day at 4 p.m. (sundowning), or after phone calls with certain people, or when they haven't eaten recently. This information helps you make changes that reduce the frequency.

You can also document what phrases, activities, or approaches successfully redirect them. When multiple family members or caregivers are involved, sharing this information ensures everyone responds consistently, which reduces your loved one's confusion.

CareThru also helps you track their overall mood and behavior changes so you can report them accurately to their doctor. If requests to go home suddenly increase or become more agitated, that might signal an underlying medical issue that needs treatment.

Frequently Asked Questions About "I Want to Go Home" in Dementia

Disclaimer: This article is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental health advice. Always consult with your loved one's healthcare team for guidance tailored to their specific situation.

Final Thoughts: Home Is a Feeling, Not a Place

Hearing someone you love say they want to go home when they're already there is one of the most heartbreaking aspects of dementia. It's a reminder of how much this disease has stolen from them and from you. They can't find their way back to themselves, to their memories, or to the life you built together.

But here's what you can hold onto: every time you validate their longing instead of correcting it, every time you redirect with gentleness instead of frustration, and every time you create a moment of comfort instead of forcing them to confront their confusion, you're giving them something precious. You're giving them the feeling of home, even if they can't recognize the place.

Home isn't a building. Home is feeling safe, loved, and at peace. When you sit with them, hold their hand, and say "I'm here with you," you're bringing home to them in the only way that matters.

Some days you'll do this beautifully. Other days you'll snap or cry or feel like you can't do this one more time. Both are okay. This is one of the hardest things you'll ever do, and you're allowed to be imperfect while doing it.

For more support on your caregiving journey, explore our resources on handling repetitive questions and managing accusations of stealing. You're not alone in this.